How often do you celebrate progress made in any of your endeavors? Most of us would say that it’s easier to say, “Thank you!” to a police officer who has just given us a speeding ticket than to acknowledge our own strengths or past successes.
Acknowledging what others do comes more naturally to some of us but acknowledging ourselves for what we do is almost unheard of—even sacrilegious in most of the world’s traditions.
To go one step further in audaciousness, imagine acknowledging how you and others are being. This is virtually unheard of to all but those trained to offer such perspectives, i.e., ontological coaches, compassion-based therapists, Buddhist Lamas, etc.
In my training as a Life Direction Coach, I’ve learned:
“When we acknowledge the person, we are addressing who the person is being and not solely what they are doing. We address the person’s attitude, intention, presence, commitment, connection, ability, approach, vision, and way of being, rather than their action (e.g., they are passionate, determined, detailed, helpful, authentic, etc.)” ~ Accomplishment Coaching.
Consider that much of what we do with our time (sleep or work) is done with a secret desire to have our most cherished and life-long needs met. We dream to be seen, heard, understood, known and loved. Self-acknowledgement provides this experience. No need to be placed on hold for someone else to give us that message.
The price we pay in waiting for acknowledgement to come from OUTSIDE ourselves is infinite. For Buddhists, longing for happiness to come from “out there” or “through doing”—as if there were something fundamentally wrong here—is the precise practice of (and recipe for more) suffering.
“Among humans, you are not just auspicious, you are unique: Your behavior can neither increase nor diminish your value.” ~ Buddha
When I recall all the clients I’ve worked with since the beginning, I’ve noticed that feelings of success never come to those who are the most “Type A.” You know the ones I mean: those who are perfectionistic, acutely self-critical or anxiously driven to succeed (the way I used to be!).
What’s worse: if any achievement of a goal does arrive, it is just as quickly on its way out as if it were bustling through a revolving door. This soul-deadening routine (rut) is inevitable because achieving that which leads to praise (or blame) for our doing neither speaks to nor inspires our being.
“I met my goal? Great, what’s next?” Like an ambitious Olympic horse trainer, we skip the celebration of our unique expression and return our focus to training and doing whatever it takes for that next race to be won.
Too often we whip “the racehorse” and believe that such disciplining will produce measurable success and future satisfaction. Treating ourselves like dastardly “things” always backfires; perhaps not for the first 40 years, but our day will come.
If we only knew how much satisfaction would emerge if we were to speak to ourselves, our being, like horse-whisperers—bringing forth authentic capacity, offering tender affection, sending out compassion, building trust, affirming touch and generating faith in every creatures essential goodness, etc.—we would not waste one more moment using any kind of force as a motivational method.
More and more educational research shows that the relationship between acknowledgement and results is impossible to deny. And yet, what I’m speaking of here is acknowledgement that is used neither to motivate nor “to get the best performance” (this would be manipulation through praise). Rather, I’m referring to using acknowledgement to connect to the other, being-to-being.
“Inspiration comes forth from within. It is what the light burning within you is about, as opposed to motivation, which is doing it because if you don’t do it, there will be negative repercussions.” ~ Abraham-Hicks
My own practice of acknowledgement seems to ripple out from my center when I begin with myself. I notice that the more I practice offering it in specific ways as a coach, the more people genuinely connect to their essence, their purpose for being; they then more-naturally achieve and accomplish their desires by being motivated from within (not “to please”).
Acknowledgement also seems to improve my own ability to be self-directed. When I acknowledge or connect with my natural giftedness, I am inspired. When I’m inspired, I feel coming into view a clearer picture of what I am wanting, who and how I am and that is when I notice seemingly-magical forces come into play to positively affect outcomes.
Fundamentally, we all want to do good work and offer our best to the places and relationships in which we find ourselves. Experiment with acknowledging who and how you are being and watch the best emerge in yourself and those around you. Are you coming from your essence? How might you return to your authenticity—your greatest gift to the world?
When you practice celebrating your smallest steps of progress toward any creative risk you take, you’ll notice that you may feel uncomfortable, silly or even false. Keep at it, and you will ultimately come to feel the “rightness” of this truth and, just as important, you’ll see yourself extending this magic to all within three feet of you.
Don’t forget, acknowledgement is a viral practice; it is as contagious as it is eternal.
“Getting stuck in the wrong career is like a horror movie where I’ve been buried and no one can hear my screams!” ~ Barbara Sher
I’m not sure which is worse hating the job you’re in, (perhaps sneaking time at work to find another job), or looking for a job, any job, just as long as it pay the bills.
Even though many people are feeling the pinch of living in an economic recession, including the thousands who’ve been laid off, there are more people than you would think actually deciding to make career changes. Women, three-to-one, are starting their own business and both men and women are choosing careers that feel more rewarding, more meaningful or at least more in sync with who they really are.
Few people these days are hankering to break into the corporate sector for happiness or job security. More often they feel “happiness” promises are marketing ploys and “job security” is an oxymoron. When we meet they often ask, “Can you help people who don’t know what it is they want to be when they grow up?” or they say, “I’ve been working so hard at keeping this lousy job – even my coworkers constantly complain – I can’t think straight about what I would do if I were to be laid off.”
One of my favorite questions to ask my career-coaching clients who feel lost but dying to do something different is this: “If you received 40 million dollars (tax free) every 12 months, from now until your death, what would you do with your days? What would you do with your time just for fun?”
Another question I ask is this: “If you were told you have 12 hours to live and it was midnight, what would you regret never having done?”
Not everyone believes you can make a living doing what you love to do for others. For instance, the authors of Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life, Spencer Johnson and Kenneth Blanchard, beat to death their message of “following the cheese (money?)” – as a metaphor for being willing to go with the flow of your times, follow the trends of your current cultural moment if you want to make a living. They wrote, “You’ll be wondering who moved YOUR cheese if you don’t keep following the scent of potential profit. Mice know how to do this.”
Perhaps these Blanchard and Johnson were operating from a “rat race” mentality. If profit comes before people, you’re more likely to be awfully lonely, unsatisfied and stuck in a horror movie of sorts—what Buddhists call a karmic hell realm (born of the seeds you’ve sewn by greedy choices).
Today’s happier income generators seems to be more willing to create a livelihood based on what energizes them. As my stand-up comic friend says, “If it ain’t fun, I’m not going to be doing it for long.” This sentiment seems to be the case more often than not when people take or keep a job because it pays well or well-enough. Truth be told, they are slowly dying inside and their loved ones can feel it. Is the pay off worth it?
Can you imagine thinking of your work as fun? Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, Inc. claims: “If earning our living is what we spend most of our time doing, don’t you think it’s worth finding the kind of work that feeds your soul? Keep searching, it’s worth it.” I often share with my clients the discovery that I’ve made over and over: “Entrepreneurs are the true creators of security—especially if the measurement is satisfaction for work well done.”
Do not think you’ll be able to uncover your “calling” in no time – especially if your family members are freaking out about your depleted bank account(s). What’s required is a willingness to stay open and in action about gathering data and experience. Jumping right into the pool is not only a must, it’s a plus to keep you feeling the momentum that comes when you experiment with what works and what feels like work.
Making a transition doesn’t always move in smooth or linear ways. It can feel like e-Harmony or Match.com – there is rarely a “just right” feel right from the start. Just like Goldilocks, you might have to try a lot more porridge than you’d prefer in order to uncover what feeds you in a satisfying way.
For many of my clients, an exploration phase simply consists of gathering information, networking with Biznik events, looking at what successful entrepreneurs do to create their success, and seeing what you have to offer that continues to be interesting.
A good thing to remember is what my friend and mentor Barbara Winter says, “The business an entrepreneur starts with is rarely the one she or he finishes with.” As James, one of my clients in International Technological Sales, said,
“After working at Smith Barney in International accounts, I was afraid I’d never be able to keep up our family’s lifestyle if I shifted gears. When I started out, I wanted something less burdensome, I was tired of working from seven in the morning to eleven at night, being on call due to time differences, and worrying about getting woken up in the middle of the night and having to work the next day. I mean, I couldn’t even have breakfast with my family or walk the girls to the bus stop as my wife could do.
“I felt I was missing out on the very family I worked so hard to support; what was the point? So I started looking into exploring other possibilities. One of the places I had liked in the past was in Dubai.
Though I hated my work at the time, I loved the cultural diversity and how well my family was treated. I figure if I’m skillful in sales and international relations, there are hundreds of other ways I can put that to work in my own business. I’m just scared and I need someone to support and encourage me as I experiment.”
As James experience foreshadows, the experimental method of finding a better fit in work doesn’t necessarily entail guarantees or a nice orderly sequence of steps in which one side project leads logically to the next. Real work is involved when one wants to make a transition.
Calling up past acquaintances, interviewing happy entrepreneurs, attending events that interest you, putting yourself around people you admire and would love to work with, can be ways of supporting your experiments. But the trend is clear, small wins may be scattered, but what really matters is that they move in the same general direction—away from the stifling situation in which we find ourselves wanting to escape.
So much of the “right fit” is born of lots of little actions that can move you into more rewarding relationships (financially and emotionally). Just like finding a wonderful companion can happen out of the blue or by dating lots of toads — but certainly won’t be likely if you stay in your familiar comfort zone (rut).
As George Eliot tells us, “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” Why not start inventing where you might feel greater happiness. It can start with a guess. What helps me is to do that which brings me aliveness, because I believe that’s what the world needs, don’t you?
Jennifer Manlowe, founder of Life Design Unlimited</b, is a life direction counselor and certified publishing coach helping people step out to authorize their lives. Her books can be found at AuthorizeU.com,
Learn more about the author, Jennifer Manlowe, PhD, CPC.
“If we are perfect and complete, exactly as we are, ‘lacking nothing,’ as the Buddha says, then why all this emphasis on mindfulness, storytelling and community? Mindfulness, storytelling, and community are where we realize our perfection.” ~ William Alexander
“The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth in the present moment, to appreciate the peace and beauty that are available now.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
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What do you do with your emotions? Do you feel them, analyze them, reject or ignore them?
When I worry about not having enough money to make ends meet, I often try the technique of “putting it out of my mind” in the hope that my tidal wave of anxiety will go away. After a few years—just after losing my grandfather to a fatal stroke—I began the technique of breathing in the very thing I was afraid of—impoverishment—and, via exhaling, releasing the notion that, “I have exactly what I need for now.”
One day, on my 70-mile commute to work to the University (for the whole ride), I “breathed in the fear” and “released the calm that I was seeking.” I found myself slipping into a warm “tub of peace” without escaping into fantasy or hyper-attending to my worst fears.
Two weeks later, my grandmother died. I was so grateful to have discovered a practice that helped me grieve the loss of both grandparents and that I could work with for the stress-filled months that followed. It was a first for me to find non-destructive ways to soothe myself through difficult feelings—something I had never been able to do prior to that point in time.
The name of this mindfulness practices is called Lojong or Tonglen and was first exposed to me through Tibetan teacher Pema Chodron, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche’s senior Dharma student, who is now head Abbess in Nova Scotia’s Gampo Abbey.
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[NOTE: Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche (February 1939 – April 4, 1987) was a Buddhist meditation master, scholar, teacher, poet, artist, and a Trungpa tülku (an incarnate Tibetan Lama). Widely recognized, both by Tibetan Buddhists and by other spiritual practitioners and scholars, as a preeminent teacher of Tibetan Buddhism, he was a major figure in the dissemination of Tibetan Buddhism to the West, founding Vajradhatu and Naropa University and establishing the Shambhala Training Method. He has also been a prolific translator of Tibetan].
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In this particular breathing practice called tonglen one uses “mindful” or “relaxed attention” given to the feelings that arise during meditation without getting overwhelmed by these emotional experiences.
It is precisely through working with this feeling-filled, mindfulness practice—carried on the wings of my breath—that I have found the greatest comfort and relief.
No need to rush out of uncomfortable feelings into anesthetizing with food, alcohol, spending, or hyper-fixating on the problems of others to find relief from an anxious mind. We can go into the feeling and witness its transience.
The thing we are each searching for is already within each of us. No drug, well-behaved children, perfect mate, or financial windfall can provide the calm we can create through nurturing it via our mindful breathing.
Breathing mindfully is like listening to waves on an ocean, always available to attend to—the ebb and the flow of our very own, breath-spirit (spiritus in Latin).
One thing that I’ve found over the years is that this practice takes practice. It’s like training a skittish, stray cat to “stay still” and trust that today will take care of itself. To begin this practice, experiment with focusing on what you are dreading right now and work with it in this exercise (below).
Making This Practice My Own:
The Practice of Tonglen
Each of us has a “soft spot”: the place in our experience where we feel vulnerable and tender. This soft spot is inherent in appreciation and love, and it is equally inherent in pain. Often, when we feel that soft spot, it’s quickly followed by a feeling of fear and an involuntary, habitual tendency to close down.
This is the tendency of all living things: to avoid pain and cling to pleasure. In practice, however, covering up the soft spot means shutting down against our life experience. Then we tend to narrow down into a solid feeling of self-against-other.
One very powerful and effective way to work with tendency to push away pain and hold onto pleasure is the practice of tonglen. Tonglen literally means “sending and taking.” The practice originated in
India and came to Tibet in the 11th century.
In tonglen practice, when we see or feel suffering, we breathe in with the notion of completely feeling it, accepting it and owning it. Then we breathe out, radiating compassion, loving-kindness, freshness; anything that encourages relaxation and openness.
In this practice, it’s not uncommon to find yourself blocked, because you come face to face with your own fear, resistance, or whatever your personal “stuckness” happens to be at that moment. At that point, you can change the focus and do tonglen for yourself, and for millions of others just like you, at that very moment, who are feeling exactly the same misery.
I particularly like to encourage tonglen, on the spot. For example, you’re walking down the street and you see the pain of another human being.
On-the-spot tonglen means that you just don’t rush by; you actually breathe in with the wish that this person can be free of suffering, and send them out some kind of good heart or well-being. If seeing another person’s pain brings up fear or anger or confusion, which often happens, just start doing tonglen for yourself and all the other people who are stuck in the very same way.
When you do tonglen on the spot, you simply breathe in and breathe out, taking in pain and sending out spaciousness and relief. When you do tonglen as a formal practice, it has four stages:
First, rest your mind briefly in a state of openness or stillness.
Second, work with texture. Breathe in a feeling of hot, dark, and heavy, and breathe out a feeling of cool, bright, and light. Breathe in and radiate completely, through all the pores of your body, until it feels synchronized with your in-and out-breathe.
Third, work with any painful personal situation that is real to you. Traditionally, you begin by doing tonglen for someone you care about. However, if you are stuck, do the practice for your pain and simultaneously for all those just like you who feel that kind of suffering.
Finally, make the taking in and the sending out larger. Whether you are doing tonglen for someone you love or for someone you see on television, do it for all the others in the same boat. You could even do tonglen for people you consider your enemies—those who have hurt you or others.
Do tonglen for them, thinking of them as having the same confusion and stuckness as you find or yourself.
This is to say that tonglen can extend indefinitely. As you do the practice, gradually, over time, your compassion naturally expands—and so does your realization that things are not as solid as you thought. As you do this practice, at your own pace, you’ll be surprised to find yourself more and more able to be there for others, even in what seemed like impossible situations.
[See more meditation exercises from Pema Chodron in her book, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times].
For another groovy book on the subject of emotions, addictions and mindfulness, see my book Loving Life As It Is!
India and came to Tibet in the 11th century.
“Lavish [love] on others, receive it gratefully when it comes to you.
Cultivate friendship like a garden. It is the best love of all.” ~ Sister Helen Prejean
Putting together a wedding can be an exhilarating experience as well as a somewhat taxing one. After all, there are no “do-overs” for your big day! One thing you want to be sure of is your wedding officiant. There’s nothing worse than one who is not a good match for the two of you. Authenticity is at the heart of lasting relationships and good memories launched on this important day.
Your ceremony truly reflects who you are as people, to each other as well as to all your loved ones. The wedding-day celebration is the public declaration of your feelings for each other and for your community of support. Make sure it celebrates your love and feels true to you.
More and more couples are choosing a Wedding Officiant-led service over traditional (church or synagogue) clergy or a justice of the peace. Why? Because a wedding officiant can be dependable in offering a creative ceremony that respects your preferences and values. I have been a wedding officiant for over a decade and I offer a wide range of frameworks that can draw on any one of the traditions below (or none but your own):
*Secular
*Religious
*Spiritual
*Humanist
*Interfaith
*Traditional
*Nondenominational
*Contemporary
or any combination of the above!
I’ll work one-on-one with the two of you as your wedding officiant. Though I received my doctorate in psychology (PhD) and religion and my masters of divinity (MDiv) at Princeton Seminary, I obtained my minister credentials solely for the purpose of legally performing weddings. I come from a background that includes public speaking, teaching, counseling, writing and design. My gifts stem from passion, experience, innate creativity and open-mindedness.
Learn more by contacting me: Jennifer Manlowe, MDiv, PhD
Life Design Unlimited
jlmanlowe@comcast.net
206.617-8832
Life Design Unlimited
jlmanlowe@comcast.net
206.617-8832
“Today, like every other day, I wake up empty and frightened. Don’t go to the door of the study and read a book. Instead take down the dulcimer, let the beauty of what you love be what you do. There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the ground, there are a thousand ways to go home again.” ~ Rumi
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
~ Socrates
Little by little, I realize that nobody ever finds time—time is not lost. Time is actually related to the word “tide” (in Old English tima). It’s not a thing, but something that we experience with our senses. Time is something that we carve out of the rocky schedule or impenetrable wall of activity in which we live.
I’m coming to accept that time must be attended to, like a garden, or one will surely pay via its drying up; neglect produces parchedness. Time must be nurtured, it must be coddled and affirmed—doing so will ensure it will give back ten-fold.
So many Americans live lives that are frantically busy, driven by sense of lack, and without reflection. Socrates would roll over in his grave with our general lack of rigorous self-examination. “There’s no time,” we all snap back. “Who has time to examine their choices, their habits, their ways of being with others, their ways of being alone?” Do we ever think about what our busy-ness gives or promises us? Can we afford to live such unexamined lives?
What would Socrates say? Is this lifestyle of frantic activity (multi-tasking, multi-texting, even while driving) making our lives worth living? “Time is money,” they say. The truth is, time is what we make it to be. It’s like an ordinary piece of fabric—we can make with it a mat to rest upon or a noose to hang ourselves with…it’s up to us.
At this particular time in my life, I’m making time to write—“just three pages a day,” as The Artist’s Way author Julia Cameron suggests. She calls them “morning pages” because they can start the flow of creativity the first thing in the morning, just like meditation. I’ve called them “mourning pages” because even as a kid they were a kind of lamentation of my half-lived life. If I hang in there with the writing, it usually unearths the shadowy parts of myself that often experience sadness, fear, anger or loss of some kind.
If you were willing to take responsibility for making time for your reflection, what would you discover? Do you hope to get somewhere else by moving faster through life? Such unexpressed feeling often turns into depression or general moodiness. Everyone benefits when I use my “mourning pages.”
Making This Practice My Own:
I commit to writing three pages a day this week, right after I get up in the morning.
I commit to move my pen on paper—without criticism for what I see during this time. I will not edit my words or thoughts, I will let my imagination run wild with thick description for what I’m feeling, seeing, noticing this moment.
During this time, I will let my brain drain out onto the page. I will let myself “let it rip” if I want to complain. I will let myself rant if I want to rant. I will let myself be full of self-pity if I want to be full of self-pity—accounting for all the wrongs done to me in my lifetime. If I want to moan, I’ll moan while I do this. If I want to imagine myself in a horror movie, I’ll spell out the details in my morning writing. If I want to imagine myself in some tawdry affair, I’ll not miss one drop of saucy description. If I want to make this one long wish list, for seven whole days, that’s just great.
How does using time to listen to your unexpressed feelings feel? What’s it like to carve out space for yourself to just exhale—no resistance, no holding back to what you’ve been feeling? Can you bring more of your plucky self (what Buddhist’s call your “original nature”) to what you do in work and love?
Do you need support in sticking with this commitment? I hope to hear from you! Contact me through my this blog or my home website!
~ Socrates
To assess your individual or corporate viability in the current economy, ask yourself three questions:
1. Can what I do be done cheaper overseas?
2. Can what I do be done faster by a computer?
3. Am I offering something that satisfies the nonmaterial wants of an abundant age?
If your answer is anything other than “no”, invest some time in Daniel Pink’s A Whole New Mind. Even those who can answer “No” will extract value from the stories, methodology and commentary of a broad range of innovative people and organizations including GM Vice Chairman Bob Lutz, product innovation and design consultancy IDEO, MIT’s Nicolas Negroponte, writer and social commentator Pat Kane and designer Karim Rashid. Although the causal premises are well established, Pink’s research and perspective is both uniquely personal and broadly applicable.
True to our times, A Whole New Mind is a bad news-good news story. The bad news for analytical types including accountants, engineers, lawyers and MBAs is that the primacy of the knowledge worker is a thing of the past. The Industrial Age is history; our challenge is to how to thrive in what Pink terms the Conceptual Age. From a marketability standpoint, there has been a shift in valuation from left-brain or systematic thought to right brain or empathetic thought. What is currently in demand is an integrative perspective that is “high concept” (integrative) and “high-touch” (empathetic).
The good news is that the high-value abilities of the 21st century are not necessarily a function of one’s IQ. They are fundamentally human attributes that can be cultivated. The essence of this book is the why and how of cultivating A Whole New Mind.
To put this shift in context, Pink documents how three socioeconomic factors–abundance, Asia and automation–are transforming both the nature of work and society. Abundance has enabled a shift in the hierarchy of needs from material accumulation to higher criteria such as beauty, emotion and meaning. Asia is a generic reference to outsourcing and off-shoring knowledge work to high-aptitude/low-cost countries including China, Hungary, India, the Philippines, Russia–anywhere but Europe and North America. A 2003 Reuters report noted that “one out of ten jobs in the U.S. computer, software and information technology industry will move overseas in the next two years [by 2008].
One in four IT jobs will be off-shored by 2010.” Finally, technology has rendered those activities reducible to a series of processes virtually obsolete. These factors are driving a transformation of the entire value creation process. To quote Pink, “In an age of abundance, appealing only to rational, logical and functional needs is woefully insufficient–mastery of design, empathy, play and other seemingly “soft” aptitudes is now the main way for individuals and firms to stand out in a crowded marketplace.”
According to Pink, achieving professional success and personal satisfaction in the Conceptual Age is dependant on our ability to deploy six essential aptitudes or “senses”: design, story, symphony, empathy, play and meaning. For maximum impact, we will need to complement L-Directed reasoning with the six essential R-Directed aptitudes to yield a holistic mind.
To highlight the difference in the two perspectives, Pink poses the dynamic this way: “Not just function but also DESIGN. Not just argument but also STORY. Not just focus but also SYMPHONY. Not just logic but also EMPATHY. Not just seriousness but also PLAY. Not just accumulation but also MEANING.” Karim Rashid captures the essence of this sensibility in his exhortation to “Think extensively, not intensively.”
This is not a theoretical book; it’s a call to action. The emphasis throughout is on maximizing your personal impact. The Portfolio sections at the end of each of the “six senses” chapters provide multiple options for assessment and application. References range from texts to tests, hands-on exercises to meditative explorations–in short, something for everyone regardless of brain dominance.
For example, the “Channel Your Annoyance” exercise in the Design section is an effective creative outlet for venting frustration with everything from ads to web site usability. Pink’s participation in a “Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain” class is proof of effectiveness: the difference between his before and after portraits is astonishing. For a common sense approach to empathy, apply IDEO’s Learn, Look, Ask and Try methodology.
Finally, as an acid test, the 20/10 test in the Meaning section is spot-on: if you had $20 million in the bank or only 10 years to live, would you live your life differently? That is, indeed, the pivotal question. If you would live your life differently, this book is a kick-start. The final point in Rashid’s 50-point guide to life is “Here and now is all we got.” A Whole New Mind helps you make the most of what you got.
Find Nina Burokas online at http://blog.ninaburokas.com
And, if you want a supportive and empathic kick-start on creating a more satisfying life and livelihood, checkout my website!
2. Can what I do be done faster by a computer?
3. Am I offering something that satisfies the nonmaterial wants of an abundant age?
Have you heard of this book by my former professor at the UW named Pepper Schwartz? I believe she lives on Bainbridge Island part time, of course, I could be wrong.
Prime is a collection of findings that draw from Dr. Schwartz’s 30+ years of research encouraging women to embrace fully their sexual appetites. But, it is nothing like The Hite Report: A National Study of Female Sexuality by Sheer Hite (BTW, do you think Hite made that name up?).
Schwartz was married when I took her graduate class in Sociology in 1984. The class was entitled Money, Sex and Power (a book she authored with her husband who also taught this class). She divorced after 23 years of marriage and had to start over with that whole dating and negotiating safe-sex thing–something very few women felt empowered to do when they were dating a quarter century earlier.
In this book, she offers thick description of her own experiences finding better sex, better romance and much better communication practices (not necessarily in that order). In Prime she offers the rest of us her road map, no matter what our age.
But, if you are over 40 and starting from scratch after a few marriages (like me), you’ll get a boost in your imagination and more confidence to know that, this time, you can be bold or at least more likely to speak up for what you want. Too, if you’re curious to explore all your senses, you may find that your libido is stronger than ever before — it’s just a fact of hormonal shifts that work on our behalf.
I wish I had this book to hand my ex-husband’s friend, David (also a professor of philosophy), who warned me, “You’re not getting any younger, Jenn. It won’t be easy to find another mate at your age (40!).” At the time, I just laughed out loud and shook my head. I thought to myself, “Hey David, how’s that male chauvinism thing working for you in your love life?” Instead, I could have handed him Schwartz’s book and quipped, “David, I’m in my prime and have many awesome adventures ahead and I can’t wait to get started.”
Writing a Tip Sheet can be a good way to draw attention to your business, but only if the topic relates in some way to what you do. Submitting a Tip Sheet to your online newspaper or favorite E-magazine is as simple as can be–especially if you keep it simple.
By crafting a message that meshes well with your own business offerings, which must be supported by facts to make your case, you establish your presence in the community, and can gain publicity for your business. That said, it’s important to pick a a relevant topic that speaks to people in search of your particular knowledge, expertise, or experience.
A Tip Sheet is not an essay, something that slowly unrolls like a dead sea scroll, building sacred momentum to some point or conclusion. It’s a very brief message with back-up points that you make in ways that are helpful for the reader and simple to follow.
When writing a Tip Sheet, state your conclusion first. You make your strongest point up front, then spend the rest of time with very easy-to-follow tips. Deductive reasoning done right, can be fresh, informative, entertaining, imaginative and inspiring.
You can help your business connect with people who need what you offer, gain high-quality publicity, and reach your “just right” niche (potential customers) who regularly read the online vehicle (magazine, blog or journal).
Here’s a checklist to keep your Tip Sheet on track:
Focus tightly on one issue or idea–in your first paragraph.
Be brief.
Express your opinion, then support it with basic factual, researched or first-hand information.
Be timely, controversial, but not alienating to your reader.
Be unique, be innovative.
Be personal, share a story in a natural way; it can help you make your point. No one likes a pontificator.
Use humor if it feels organic to do so, provided that your topic lends itself to humor.
Have a clear point (or points). Be direct. Take a stand.
Don’t equivocate. As Steve Martin says to John Candy in Planes, Trains and Automobiles: “And by the way, you know, when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea – have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!”
Provide insight, understanding: educate your reader without being too teacherly, long-winded or preachy.
Near the end, clearly re-state your position and issue a call to action. Resist being too abstract or metaphorical.
As I’ve said several times: Keep it Simple! Say it in a sentence, not a paragraph. Don’t ramble. Use clear, powerful, and succinct language.
Emphasize active verbs, forget the adjectives and adverbs, which only weaken writing.
Avoid clichés and jargon. Appeal to the average reader (a smart 8th grader–think All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten).
Accessibility is paramount. Write 500 double-spaced words or less (fewer is always better).
Include a brief bio, along with your phone number, web and email address. If you don’t have these vehicles of making contact, include your “snail mail” address.
Be sure to see your publication’s website first to be sure what its policy is. It will be published if your tip sheet is relevant to the journal/magazine’s subject matter. The production editor or publishing editor is your “go to” person around the publishing requirements.
Remember, there are at least 77,000 journals and magazines in print and probably 10 times that many online. Keep “fishing” in different “ponds” and you will be published!
If you need my help proofing, editing or publishing (anything), I’d be delighted to see you through.
It’s a fact: Getting published has never been easier or more accessible to the not-yet famous.
Checkout my latest book offering called Getting Into Print: Become A Visible Expert Through Publishing.
Jennifer Manlowe, PhD
Author, Book Publishing Coach and Founder
Life Design Publishing
206.617-8832
Author, Book Publishing Coach and Founder
Life Design Publishing
206.617-8832
So much has been written in the last hundred years regarding the power of positive thinking, or the magic of thoughts, or the “fundamental law” or “secrets of attraction”–all of this change of feeling or circumstance is thought to be something over which humans have control via cognitive techniques.
More recently, the word “intention” seems to be showing up as often in Medical journals as in New Age magazines. Is there a difference between setting an intention and naming your new year’s resolutions? Aren’t they both about staying focused on what you want, rather than focusing on the lack of having what you want?
