Mindfulness Meditation (some thoughts and recommendations)

Since about 1990, as a practitioner of meditation and in service of people in tough transitions (i.e., midlife career loss, surviving war or domestic violence, or negotiating a life-threatening illness, like HIV/AIDS), I have been studying different ways to dial down mental static — stress, obsessive worry and anxiety. I do this in service of fostering clarity and to make “what’s next in life” become more apparent.

My methods draw largely from what I have learned from Insight Meditation or Mindfulness Meditation techniques.

Insight Meditation [known as Vipassana in Pali] is a comprehensive approach to awakening of the heart and mind. This method of awareness training has been practiced in parts of Asia for over 2,500 years and, because of its simplicity and power, is now being embraced by people from diverse spiritual orientations and locations around the world.

Insight Meditation cultivates our natural wisdom and compassion. The practice develops concentration, or “steadiness” of mind. The subject of concentration is usually the movement of the breath, or the appearing and disappearing of sound. As the mind quiets down, it is possible to experience whatever arises in the present moment in an accepting, relaxed and open way. And, I can’t think of anything that is improved through my greater and greater tension.

Mindfulness can be maintained throughout our daily activities. We can be mindful of the movement of our body, the sensations in walking, the sounds around us, or the thoughts and feelings that come into the mind. As mindfulness deepens, there is increased capacity for intimacy with the life within and around us. We are able to see through our socially- and mentally-conditioned behaviors and thoughts. We come to discover qualities buried within us, perhaps, i.e., empathy, equanimity and ease in our lives. These tips below are compiled, in part, from the Seattle Insight Meditation website.

How Do I Meditate By Myself?

As with all things, start where you are. You have everything you need right now. First, decide to sit each day. Next, plan the time, place and duration for your sitting meditation.

Choose a time

Morning is often best because the mind is calmer than it is later in the day. However, the best time is the time that you can commit to on a regular basis.

Choose a space

There is no perfect place. If possible, dedicate a space exclusively to your daily sitting. Choose a relatively quiet space where you can leave your cushion (or chair) so that it is always there to return to.

Choose a duration

As long as is comfortable, plus 5 minutes. This is a general guide, not a rule. Even fifteen or twenty minutes will seem an eternity in the beginning, but that impression will change with time. If you sit each day, you will experience noticeable benefits (e.g., less reactivity, more calm) and be able to increase your sitting time if you so choose. And, every time you sit:

Set your intention

It’s helpful to recall at the start of each sitting meditation why you are doing it. Remember that your purpose, to become more open and free, will benefit you and those around you.

Set your posture

Alertness is one of the two essential ingredients in every meditation. Sit on a chair or cushion as straight and tall as comfortably-possible. Around this straight-back position, let the rest of your skeleton and muscles hang freely. Let the hands rest comfortably on your knees or lap. Let the eyes close, bringing the attention inward.

Relax deeply

Openness is the second essential ingredient in every meditation. Once you feel your spine is erect, let everything else relax, hang loose, and soften. Consciously releasing body tension will help you open to whatever arises during your meditation.

Choose an object of meditation

Once you’ve established this alert and open posture, you are ready to decide where you’ll place your attention. A useful object for beginners is the breath as it enters and leaves the nostrils.

Whatever object you select, stay with it for at least ten breaths. Even with this effort, your mind will insist on going to its usual places. Make note of this when it happens, and gently lead your attention back to the chosen object of meditation. Your intention and persistence are the key ingredients for cultivating awareness, not the number of times your mind wanders. As often as you need to, check yourself — Alert and erect? Relaxed and open?” — and begin again.

I recommend sitting with others because the point of meditation is, in part, to see clearly how interdependent every single one of us is with all others. But, it’s up to you. If you want to sit with others, please see Seattle Insight for more details.

Mindfulness, (or one-pointed), meditation—as described above—is one method of “working with what arises” and the Tibetan [or Vajrayana] Buddhist tradition that is called Lojong or Tonglen practice is another technique.

Tibetan teacher and head Abbess in Nova Scotia’s Gampo Abbey—Pema Chodron—offers a simple breathing exercise that includes “mindful” or “relaxed attention” given to the feelings that arise during meditation without getting overwhelmed by the feelings.

It is precisely through working with this feeling-filled, mindfulness practice—carried on the wings of the “in” and “out” breath—that many of my clients and students have found the greatest comfort and relief. No need to rush out of uncomfortable feelings into anesthetizing with food, alcohol, spending, or hyper-fixating to find relief from an anxious mind.

You can go into the abject feeling and witness its mutability and transience. You might find that the completion you are searching for is already within you. No drug, perfect mate, or financial windfall can provide the calm you can create via mindful breathing.

Breathing mindfully is like listening to waves on an ocean, always available to attend to. This practice takes practice. It’s like training a skittish, stray cat to “stay still” and trust that today will take care of itself.

Chodron educates readers on the practice of Tonglen in her book When Things Fall Apart (excerpted below) and in every other book she’s written, see: Powell’s Books.

Tonglen is a Tibetan word that literally means “sending and taking.” The practice originated in India and came to Tibet in the 11th-century. In tonglen practice, when we see or feel suffering, we breathe in with the notion of completely feeling it, accepting it and owning it. Then we breathe out, radiating compassion, loving-kindness, freshness; anything that encourages relaxation and openness.

When you do tonglen on the spot, you simply breathe in and breathe out, taking in pain and sending out spaciousness and relief. When you do tonglen as a formal practice, it has four stages:

Rest: Relax your mind briefly in a state of openness or stillness.

Work with texture: Breathe in a feeling of hot, dark, and heavy, and breathe out a feeling of cool, bright, and light. Breathe in and radiate completely, through all the pores of your body, until it feels synchronized with your in-and out-breath.

Work with emotion: Breathe in any painful personal situation that is real to you. Traditionally, you begin by doing tonglen for someone you care about. However, if you are stuck, see the extending practice (below).

Extending: Finally, make the “taking in” and the “sending out” larger. Whether your doing tonglen for someone you love or for someone you see on television, do it for all the others in the same boat. You could even do tonglen for people you consider your enemies—those who have hurt you or others. Do tonglen for them, thinking of them as having the same confusion and stuckness as you find or yourself.

As you do the practice, gradually, over time, your compassion naturally expands—and so does your realization that things are not as solid as you thought. As you do this practice, at your own pace, you’ll be surprised to find yourself more and more able to be there for others, even in what seemed like impossible situations.

My favorite meditation teachers of Western descent include: Jack Kornfield, Pema Chodron, and Jon Kabat Zinn. If you want a YouTube video to “walk” you through the first three times of sitting. Try this one by Kabat-Zinn on YouTube.

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I would love to hear what this practice is like for you. Why would (or wouldn’t) you consider doing this for yourself? What would be the pros and cons of this practice for you or for others?

If you want any one of my own books to give you support in these endeavors, order them here: At Powell’s. After reading them, you might want to add your review to this helpful books blog!

Jennifer Manlowe
Life Design Unlimited
206.852-2605